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(Notes in scribbles)
De. May nami-miss lang.
BOOM.
It has been, what. Say, almost a year and 20 kilograms ago since my last post. Many things had happened since then. I just happened to log in to my Tumblr page, stared blankly in this empty text post page for a full minute, and found myself starting to type like a.. Like a.. Like a Seeer. Haha
I missed writing. Let’s see what happens when Joel Paolo’s (hypothetical) pen and (hypothetical) piece of paper connects. Haha
Graduation.
It’s always around this time of year when students are cramming to meet deadlines and requirements, as I myself am doing right now. (Alt + Tab Alt + Tab lang habang nage-edit ng kung ano. Haha) Pero. Sa mga gantong pagkakataon rin naman masarap gumawa ng mga bagay na “hindi mo pwedeng gawin ngayon”. Gaya ng pagsulat sa tumblr, pag LoL-to-sawa, paglinis ng bahay, panonood ng TV, ng basketbol sa court sa kanto, pangingialam sa buhay ng ibang tao, pakikinig sa mga quotes ng mga tambay sa paligid, among many other things.
Ang kain lang..
Oo. Totoo. Kelangan nating mag focus sa mga bagay-bagay. Pero hindi rin naman masamang magrelax paminsan-minsan. Lalo na kapagka alam mo naman sa sarili mong deserve mo magpahinga :) Saka may mga bagay rin na dapat, hindi mo kinakaligtaan at tine-take for granted kahit na marami kang ginagawa, ikanga:
“When you focus on something, you slightly lose sight of everything else.”
All of us have the same number of hours per day. Pero bakit may ibang mas nagiging productive? May ibang mga “walang nagagawa”? Siguro sa tingin mo, wala silang naa-accomplish, pero di mo rin alam kung anong priorities nila. And malay mo, sa tingin nila, wala ka ring naa-accomplish na mabuti sa bente y quatro hora na binibigay sa’yo sa araw-araw. Haha Balance lang :)
In a few days. We will graduate. Most likely, I am on of those ‘carried-away-by-the-spur-of-the-moment’ maniacs who’ll toss their graduation caps (ba tawag dun?) high to the air without worrying about a single thing about the next day.
If it comes, then it comes. Haha
AW INDA. I might as well cut this crap. Kung ano ano na nasusurat ko. HahaDeh, pero sa tunay. Wala lang kasi akong magawa’t makausap. Kung nagbasa ka nito. Malala ka din. Wala kang patutunguhan. Haha
Sheet No: 2 will be better, I swear.
Sincerely,
Jo
‘The world doesn’t need any more sadness than it’s already got.’
I’ll start this by saying that I have been loving you all this time. I was living the typical, new-boy-in-town life in this new place when you suddenly appeared and flew right pass through me. The first time was a downer. I didn’t notice you at all. You just existed in a parallel universe, saving lives and occasionally dropping a negative comment or two about how your life sucks (and how life sucks for others). Basically, HOW LIFE SUCKS.
Then came this one day. I was walking to nowhere, thinking of what will happen next. Then you suddenly landed from flight and continued walking beside me. RIGHT AWAY I noted that you’re indeed VERY BEAUTIFUL. I obliged. From what you told me, I figured that even with you’re superpowers and pastel-colored, mismatched costume (with stars on the nipples, on the forehead and bulletproof bracelets), you’re having a hard time expressing what you really feel, like you don’t belong to the world you’re in, and that people don’t seem to understand you at all.
I listened. We laughed. I cared. I loved. With you here I feel really safe and happy. I swore to myself (hell, even to my ancestors) that I will never let the world hurt this misunderstood superhero ever again. I want to be with you so bad. Common sense tells me it’s impossible, but your smile told me it can be done.
But as quick as you appeared, YOU LEFT. You just disappeared. You just f*cking, freaking flew away.
Now you’re gone. I don’t even know what’s in your mind right now. I didn’t have the chance to hear if you’re still living in your little, enclosed, misunderstood world. I don’t know if you’re okay, or if you’re not. I don’t know a thing. For the first time in my life, I have to admit: this time I’m clueless.
One day you flew low again. You were very close to me. I can almost feel your breath. You hovered low, but you left. You never said a word. Your face was blank. The warmth and friendship your presence brought was now replaced with cold. Seems like you yourself misunderstood yourself now.
A lot of time has passed. Still I waited. I waited. And in my free time, I waited some more. I have been hoping that once again you’ll fly back, hover beside me, and give me the chance to see that beautiful, chinky-eyed smile that almost always made my heart jump in mixed euphoria and terror. :)
But this has to end now. I was there. I was always there. I listened. I am solid. I am definite. You can touch me. I can hear you. I cared. I understood. I have been patient. But I have to stop. Now, I know you don’t want these things anyway, too.
I was not there. I was never there. I didn’t fucking listen at all. I am a mirage. I am indefinite. You can’t touch me, and no matter how loud you shout, I can’t hear you. I didn’t understand a thing at all. I have never been patient.
Believe me, miss. I didn’t even want to stop.
Yours,
Joel
Nakakapikon ang mag-translate ang Google. Ewan.
April 16, 2011 Ground Floor, El Rico Suites Makati City 12nn Dyan, oh. Dyan sa nakatagilid na upuan. Hindi ko naayos bago umakyat. Trying to connect to network ElricoN.. Cannot Connect to Network: ElricoN Troubleshoot? OK Cancel shit! isa pa. Trying to connect to network ElricoN.. May dumating na tatlong babae. Sabi ‘oh. ang bilis maka-connect pag andito sa baba, ah!’ Samantalang ako hirap na hirap. Nag Youtube pa. trash talk. Cannot Connect to Network: ElricoN Troubleshoot? OK Cancel Hoootaena. (Manilenyo tayo eh. When you’re in Rome, act like a Roman. Haha.) Last na talaga. Isang subok pa. :) Trying to connect to network ElricoN.. Connection Request: Connected to network ElricoN. MAG-INTERNET KA NA HANGGANG GUSTO MO. Hahaha. Nice. Iyooown! After a few hours of peaceful browsing (chats) Someone from Daet: Tol, check out mo tong link na to. Cute kasi. I did. Hell. It was a love scene from a movie. 1st bullshit I did: I watched. Then I noticed. Someone’s coming. I paused the video. YEHEEES, black screen. From nowhere came a voice. Much like the voice I hear every Friday, 7:30 - 8:30. (kcufehttahw) ‘Hoy. Mr. de los Reyes, nakaka-connect ka ba sa wi-fi?’ (looks at the screen) ‘Yes, Ma’am!’ :) (di mo makikita to ma’am. black screen. haha.) Okay, Mr. de los Reyes, good night. (walks away with an ‘ang-mga-bata-talaga-ngayon-kelangan-na-ng-tulong’ look.) INISIP KO. Bakit ganun ang reaksyon nya? Eh naka black screen naman. Matatanda talaga, tamang hinala. hahaha. (look at the screen) Dyspnea. Cold clammy perspiration. Gulps. TACHYCARDIA. at lahat ng body process pag under stress ka. Ayoko nang i-elaborate. Kasi, sa tabi nung black screen na nakapause nung video.. ‘Hot, Horny Girls in Quezon City! for only $50, free of charge.’ (Syempre may picture to) Talk about bullshit. Donna Lyn A. Gan, thank you sa idea. This one’s for you. HAHA. :) - NOTHING FOLLOWS - 
Keep Music Player Playing?
Yes No
Typical. Madalas na nangyayari pag nagsa-soundtrip ka. Malamang. Yes kung oo. No kung hindi. Halimbawa, may mga bagay kang mas importanteng gagawin. Kaya nalang ng pagpanuod ng Imortal, o paghugas ng mga pinggan na tinoka sa’yo ng nanay mo, o pag kukunin mo yung mga sinampay mo sa labas kapagka biglang umulan. (mawawater damage ang music player mo, hindi mo pepwedeng dalhin. Sorry.)
Natural sa tao na wag pakawalan o wag itigil ang mga bagay na nakapagpapasaya sa kanila.
NAKANAM PUTEK. Kung ganon lang kasimple ‘yon..
Bakit nga ba tayo nahihirapan sa mga ganitong desisyon? Zzz. Ngunit ano nga ba’ng kahalagahan nito sa buhay? Naisip ko lang. Lahat tayo dumating na sa puntong nagtanong tayo, kung dapat pa bang ipagpatuloy ang isang bagay, sa kung anong anyo o uri, kayo na ang bahala. Sa kung ano man ang naging epekto ng bagay na ito sa buhay mo, bahala ka na rin. Sabi nga ng barkada kong si Gumbating: ‘Case-to-Case Basis’ na yan. Depende sa sitwasyon. Depende sa tao. Depende sa preferences, at depende kung sa’yo yung MP3 o cellphone na ginagamit mo. (bahagyang kakornihan ay ipagpatawad n’yo nalang)
Ano nga ba ang mga basehan para malaman mong ang isang bagay ay hindi na karapat-dapat pang ipagpatuloy? Ito ang ilan:
1. Pag hindi ka na nagiging masaya.
2. Pag nagdadalawang-isip ka, kung sobra na.
3. Kapag ayaw mo talaga ‘yung kantang nagpe-play. (figurative)
4. Kapag pumasok, dumaan, o kahit humagip na sa isip mong tama na.
5. Kapag strained na ang mga kalamnan mo kakaexercise. (haha)
Sabihin na nating ‘Oo.’ ang sagot mo sa mga batayang ito. Malamang sa hindi eh itigil mo na yan.
PERO IBA PAG SA PUSO.
Minsan (minsan kadalasan, o kadalasan minsan), kahit na nakakapagod na, hindi mo pa rin makuhang bumitaw. Kahit na ang bagay nalang na pumipigil sa’yo ay ang mga ala-ala, ang mga salita, kataga, o mga pangakong alam naman ng puso mong matagal nang nasabi’t nalimot na. Hindi mo naman sila masisisi, e.
MAY CHOICE KA PA NAMAN.
Kaya nga may salitang ‘IPAGLABAN’. :)
Hahahahahaha. Loko. Binasa mo. Wala man. Wala lang akong magawa. Hahaha.
dito. :)
pag inhale ng titilaok na tandang, bumuka ang aking mga mata.
‘TIKTILAOK.’
(period lang hindi exlamation. medyo tinatamad yung tandang. ‘everyday nalang’ daw.)
ika-18 ng pebrero, 2010. ika-4 ng umaga.
showing na ata harry potter bukas?
nag-usal ng maikling dasal. bumangon. malamig. halata. hinugot ng kapatid ko yung buong extension wire sa outlet kung san nakasaksak ang electric fan, LABO.
tinupi ang kumot. binalik sa kama. antok pa’y naglakad na papunta sa dispenser.
‘tut.’
nag-vibrate. ayos pa. kape tayo.
akmang kukunin ko ang aking cellphone nang biglang may nagsalita.
‘kuya. nagspray ako ng baygon. wag ka munang papasok. zzz.’
‘nagsasalita ng tulog. loko. di ako ipis.’
check ulit.
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Papa Globe
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‘no pain no gain. yan ang motto naming mga bikers. haha. good morning kuya!’
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‘Reply’
‘wala ka nanamang maistorbo ano? good morning pa.’
(fast forward)
ako’y pumasok na sa school. animo’y mga.. fnckin’ sh*ts ang ingay na aking naririnig.
BUTO. BUTO. PURO NALANG BUTO! MGA BUTO NINDO! (bones)
ang aking naririnig. oo nga pala. may practical exam ngayon sa orthopedic. muscular at skeletal system. well. hindi ako kinabahan. NAG-ARAL AKO KANINA.
*kriiing!
yung ring ng bell ata yun. OKAY. kinakabahan na ako.
tumambay ako ng konti sa classroom. nagpapanggap na magbasa. walang pumapasok sa isip ko.
parang-baklang-may-sugat-sa-paa-na-hirap-na-hirap-maglakad-dahil-diabetic-pala-sya-tapos-kelangan-nya-pang-tumakbo-pero-HINDI-NYA-NGA-KAYA-kasi-nga may-sugat-syang-malaki na dumaan ang oras habang hinihintay ko ang aking pagkakataon upang makuha ang pagsusulit.
‘number your papers 1-60 then 1-100.’
eventually nakapasok na rin ako!
napakatherapeutic.
WALA! WALA! hahahahaha. walang nangyaring maganda! hahahahahaha. mag-aral o hindi, may kopyahan o wala, okay lang. kasi may time pressure. nakita ko nga yung mga blangko ng katabi ko. nakita nyang nakatingin ako.
tinawanan namin.
HAHAHAHA.
‘mas magandang maraming mali sa buhay. kasi mas marami kang tatawanan pag nalampasan mo na.’
Nagmamahal,
jewelfolo :)
